Have you ever been disappointed that you didn’t get the part you wanted? How would you like to be able to turn feelings of rejection into rocket fuel to build yourself into the best person you can be?
A quick personal story: Early on in my theatre journey, I knew that I wanted to be a director. But I loved acting and did every production I could all through high school, only taking time off to play football each fall. And I usually got pretty major roles. Near the beginning of my Freshman year of college, there was a major production coming up of Shakespeare’s Macbeth, and I really wanted to be part of it. I loved Shakespeare, and the “Scottish Play” was one of my favorites.
I prepared for my audition in the best way I knew: I studied the play and its characters, learned about its plot and themes, practiced my monologue so that my iambic pentameter flowed “trippingly on the tongue”, and more. When the time for the auditions came, I did my best, and was even asked to give some readings in addition to my monologue along with some other people. A good sign! I gave myself good odds of landing the role.
However, when the cast list was posted, not only did I not get the part I wanted, but my name was nowhere to be found on the list. I was stunned. I thought I had done so well! What did I do wrong? Was it my interpretation? Was it my voice? Was it the way I looked? Or was it that the student who got the role I wanted was a family friend of the Director? I had so looked forward to being in this particular production and put so much effort into preparing. What if I am not a good actor? What if my success in high school was a fluke, and more the result of being a big fish in a small pond than the result of real talent and skill. What if I will never end up getting the roles I want? Should I just give up now?
I tortured myself with these questions, and was so engulfed by the negative emotions they conjured up, that I was barely able to speak to anyone for a couple of days.
As an actor, you will likely face so-called rejections much more often than not as you build your career. Even if you don’t pursue theatre as a career, your life will still have these same ups and downs. My hope for you is that you will be better equipped at handling those disappointments than I was as a young college student.
Why are actors sometimes so hard on themselves when they don’t get the job? One idea is that if you get a bad grade on an essay, you can always say, “the essay wasn’t’ very good.” Or if you play an instrument, you might be able to justify a less-than-stellar performance by saying “my instrument was out of tune.” But when you’re an actor, you are the instrument, and therefore you risk taking rejection a lot more personally. There’s nothing to shield you from criticism except your own thick skin, and your understanding of how things really work in the performing arts. For example, you understand before going into an audition that if you don’t get the part, they are not rejecting you as a person. They may really want to work with you, but you’re not right for this particular role.
But even having that understanding doesn’t necessarily eliminate the feelings of rejection, disappointment or failure you might experience when you go through an unsuccessful audition.
Here are four steps to dealing positively with these common situations:
#1: Express Gratitude
First, and critically important, is to express gratitude. Even though it may be brutally difficult in the moment, remember to be grateful to the producer, director and other members of the creative team for the chance to audition, and be magnanimous, kind, and supportive of those who did get the roles. If you got a role, just not the one you wanted, make sure to show that you are grateful for the opportunity. Your expression of gratitude and humility will go a long way toward building your reputation as someone who is great to work with, which will pay off down the road. What’s more, expressing gratitude will actually help you fend off some of the more negative feelings that you may encounter.
#2: Practice Self Empathy
Second, practice self-empathy. It’s perfectly natural and completely OK to be disappointed that something didn’t turn out the way you would have liked. If you are sad about being turned down for a role or job, it just means that you care. And you should care. So allow yourself time to grieve. Just don’t be hard on yourself. Leave the self-pity, self-doubt, and self-criticism out of it. There will be plenty of time for reflection after you’ve given yourself a little space to get through the initial disappointment. Now is the time to practice self-empathy, and treat yourself with the same kindness, patience, and encouragement that you would show to a friend who was experiencing a similar setback.
#3: Practice Self-Reflection
Third: After you have had time to let the emotions settle a bit and have gotten some distance from the initial feelings of rejection, take some time for self-reflection on your performance. Is there anything you could have done differently or better? What steps could you take next time to make yourself an excellent option for the production? Did your level of preparation – from research, to memorization, to practice – match the level of performance needed for the missed opportunity? Also, keep in mind that in addition to your own level of preparedness, there are certain things that are out of your control. I had no idea why I didn’t get cast in Macbeth, and had to trust that for one reason or another I was simply not right for the part. All I could do was prepare myself for the next opportunity. As a wise person once expressed:
I had to develop the “courage to change what must be altered, serenity to accept what cannot be helped, and the insight to know the one from the other.”
Reinhold Niebuhr
#4: Commit to Self-Improvement
And fourth, commit to self-improvement. After self-empathy and self-reflection, now is the time to recommit to your goals, and take action to build yourself into a better performer. If you have identified specific steps to improve your skills, take action to accomplish those steps. Make the commitment now to continually move forward – identifying, acquiring, and refining your skills through deliberate practice. Enlist the help of a teacher, coach, or friend who can help you and give you valuable feedback on your process. If you ended up with a role that you wouldn’t have chosen for yourself, build your reputation as a rock-solid choice by making the commitment to be the best performer you can be in the role you were given.
So, when, as an actor, you are inevitably turned down for a role, or faced with feelings of rejection or failure in any life circumstance, try to consistently embrace these four steps:
- Express Gratitude
- Practice Self-Empathy, and then
- Self-Reflection, and finally
- Commit to Self-Improvement
Instead of being a setback, each of these so-called “rejections” will become like rocket fuel to propel you forward to greater and greater heights.
How about you?
How do you deal with disappointment? What are some ways you try to prepare for your next opportunity? Let me know in the comments.
Until next time, this is Graham Northrup on behalf of all your friends at Theatre Aspen, encouraging you to stay positive and break a leg.